Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
