There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
