I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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