Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
