Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
