I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
