i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
