I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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