my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
