i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
