just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
