I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
