On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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