Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
