Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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