But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
