Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
