I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
