I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
