yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
