He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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