The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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