We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
