I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
