hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
