I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
