Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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