I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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