I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
