I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
