if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
