Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
