Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
