My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
