Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Randomize
