i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
