But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
