I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
