Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
