I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
