Dude my mom stole all your condoms
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
