he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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