Tell her she can't have a vagina
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
