just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
