Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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