well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
