I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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