This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
