she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
