bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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