OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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